My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The adults are the big ones right?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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