i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
