Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Will exercising make me less horny?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
