My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we're making bets on your personal life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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