Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
