Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
