You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if only i could text you this smell
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
