What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
