so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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