I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i came on her dog
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
