glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
