eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
