My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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