so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The beer is more important than you right now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
