Someone shit on the floor
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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