i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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