In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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