YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
