Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
