She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There r osticjed everywhere
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
