you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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