Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
