"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
