evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
