He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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