I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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