before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
