Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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