I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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