Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
