i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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