Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
