glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
