im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
