After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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