i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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