That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
