she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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