i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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