I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
