playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
