I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
