I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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