She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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