You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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