I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
