Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
