I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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