I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
