Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
