She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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