i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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