Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
