Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
