they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
