It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
