no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
